you're one of the most important people in my life right now, and honestly i don't know what i'd do without you. but for some reason, i really don't want to be your friend anymore. thats something i'll really regret saying, but as of right now its true. i'm not mad or bitter or upset by any means, i just for some strange reason don't want much to do with you at all. i'll back off and give you space and hopefully you won't approach or confront me, and then i'll be fine and i'll be back to my old self with you. i can't tell you why, but i feel uncomfortable with you. extremely uncomfortable. it probably has something to do with me feeling like you'd probably do just fine without me, but its not mutual. i wouldn't do just fine without you... and its ironic that i want to stay away from you when i feel like i need you.

i don't know. it almost goes back to that want/need to feel important.

beecaaaaaauuuuseeee i come second. always. maybe third. maybe fourth. definitely not first, thats for sure.

i miss having someone whos always there. best friend? busy. boyfriend? doesn't exist. friends? gone/busy. its always someone different, and i need one person who can be there regardless of what goes on. daaaaaaang. since when have i been this needy?! i don't like it, slap me.

i needed to say that.

kiah i really want to see you and talk to you about life and laugh and, knowing me, probably cry for a while. i hope you come over tomorrow.

SO jennifer's here and we're playing ddr and resident evil and all that good stuff:) there was this really hot life guard at oak point, but we couldn't work up the courage to go talk to him. oh well, whatevah. its all good.

i never know what day it is, and i never make plans.

everything is so spontaneous. i know i'm doing something five minutes before i'm doing it.

and i don't care. its almost as if it has to be like that for me to function and be happy.

i'm living.

and its so weird because i've never had my own problems, my worst problems have always been things that my friends are going through.

for the first time, i have a real problem. its so scary and surreal and i don't know what to do about it, because for a moment everything was kind of flipped upside down and relationships were switched.

then all of a sudden everything went back to normal, but it wasn't forgotten. definitely not forgotten.

its so weird.
and i'm still going on.
if i can do this, why can't some of you be happy with your little problems?

maybe your little problem is big to you, but honestly. come on. it isn't everything. this isn't everything.

and him. i love being around him, but he doesn't make me happy. not like before. it won't be like that for a while. i'm cool with that, i guess. i've been hanging out with my junior friends more than i have with my close friends that i've had forever. i love it, but i miss the people i've been friends with for years. its not really possible to see some of them right now, so i guess i'll continue hanging out with the ones i've been hanging out with. i won't see them much next year, and they'll all be super close still and will probably forget about me. i'm not cool with that, but its whats gonna happen.

i'm in a weird mood, man.

remember that time when you felt like you were needed?

and it made you feel 2385708 times better about everything.

because you were just that important to someone.

i want that again.

i don't think that it makes you lucky to have had it. if anything, it makes you sad to know exactly what you've lost, and to know that no one else really knows how it feels.

thats why i get so mad when people act like they know or understand, because you don't. your situation wasn't like yours... they don't want to hear about how you had to go through the exact same thing. they want someone who cares, not someone who will make them feel like their feelings don't matter compared to yours. sure, understand where they're coming from. theres a veerrryyy thin line between comforting and making things worse, don't get close enough to cross it.

veronica? maybe i need you.

i'm such a hypocrite.

i am really, reeaaallyyyreallyreally sorry.

i honestly don't know how much longer i can stand you.
its like... i've always thought highly of you and had tons of respect for you, but now all of a sudden i want to slap you at the sound of your name, after every thought of you, and after every word you say.

small doses, thats all i can take. small doses. unfortunately thats not exactly how its gonna work.

you guys need to chiiiilllllll. unless i've had a major explosion at you sometime recently, then its not about you. even if i have exploded at you, its still probably not about you because i've been exploding like the bombs in the freaking pearl harbor attack recently.

that doesn't even make sense. oh well!

...

WELL. today was a good day.

i'm high off boys.

and other than this:

Mr     Arr0gance: So if I didn't know you.
Mr     Arr0gance: I'd probably say that you're drunk right now

Mr     Arr0gance: And you're just not acting like the Jessica I know.

Mr     Arr0gance: You're starting to sound like every other girl I know.

Mr     Arr0gance: But you really don't sound like yourself.
Mr     Arr0gance: Whatsoever.

...i'm in love with mark.
   ...and life.

officer camp.

VIDEO PROPS TO MARGO, ALTHOUGH YOUTUBE TOTALLY DOMINATES PHOTOBUCKET WITH VIDEOS

ROOMIESSSszzszss

mm mm mm.

drink it in.